12. NOMAD LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

I didn’t find out until the day before I left that my mom wasn’t coming with me to my new school. The school that was a couple states away from the state we were living in. I took it to mean that my cousin was right. No one did love me. Eavesdropping once again I overheard her speaking to the school’s headmistress.

“Oh that would be wonderful.” It was my Doris Day mom. Her blonde hair cut just like Doris’s swung around and her eyes greeted mine. I was almost expecting her to start belting out ‘que sera, sera, what ever will be will be’ instead I heard what I hoped I wouldn’t. “She'll will be wearing a tan Lacoste dress. Her flight gets in at 2.30 pm on the 25^th. Frontier. Yes, that’s right. Thank you for everything and I look forward to meeting you some day.” It was the ‘some day’ that got my attention.

After she hung up, in a panic I asked, “Meet her some day? What do you mean? You’re going with me aren’t you!” My voice rising an octave with each question.

My mom put a finger to her full just lipsticked lips without quite touching them and said to me, “Shell, sit down.” I did, she continued. “I wanted to be with you on your first day of school, you know get you settled, meet your teachers, counselors…see the school but I’m not feeling well.” She looked fit to me in her Saks dress and Gucci pumps. I started to cry; the old stand by. I don’t know why I ever cried it never got me anywhere with her. I guess because I still felt like being the baby she never let me be.

She put her arms around me and begged me to understand. I was always being asked to understand but no one bothered to really explain anything to me and never took the time to understand me. Not that I wanted them to. That would mean I was one of them and I couldn’t live with that. I thought about saying something mean but I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes too. I liked to think they were because she would miss me but I could never be sure of that. Regardless, I felt sorry for her. Here was this babe in the prime of her life stuck with a kid who went to Woodstock movie even though she forbade me to go a million times. I never listened to her. I would tell her what she wanted to hear and then turn around and do as I pleased. All the kids I knew did the same thing to their parents and didn’t get sent to boarding school, but then all the kids were wearing different shoes then I was. My mom was never home, which is why I got away with what I got away with and why I did the things I did; because I could. I knew deep in her heart she thought sending me to boarding school was going to set me straight and get me in line. Even though she had never laid her eyes on the place, I think she thought it was more like the military school my brother was sent to but nicer as in cushier, but no less strict. That or she was protecting me…fat chance.

Once again my mom won, she, my aunt and my cousin drove me out to the airport. Everyone was in good spirits, which I attributed to my departure. On take off I didn’t think of the hugs and kisses that sent me down that box ramp, I knew that was all for show, no, I envisioned them popping open bottles of DP they’d hidden in the trunk of the car to celebrate my departure in the parking garage not being able to wait until they got home to rejoice.

Half an hour into the flight, I finally realized this was the first time I had ever flown alone. A surge of independence hit me like a lightning bolt. I knew I looked older then the tender age I was and that the stewardess would never think someone as young as me would travel by themselves so I took my chances asking her for a beer when the beverage cart came to my row. Not even a glance and a cold Coors appeared before me like magic. I felt enormously grown up and got comfy in my seat, pulled a magazine out of my carryon and drank my beer feeling very proud and smug with myself.

We landed on time. I didn’t know who I was looking for and thought many times on the plane, they really didn’t know who they were looking for either and I had a jacket on over my dress hiding the well known alligator. I said good-bye to the lady I had talked to most of the way down here. She thought I was off to college. I kinda felt like I was. Lost in my thoughts, I felt a tug on my sleeve. I turned and was greeted by a large beaming faced woman.

“Are you Shell?” She asked so happily I thought she was going to kiss me and did end up hugging me.

I thought once or twice about saying no, and thought better of it. I should at least look at the school. “Hi, yes, that would be me.” Another big hug. I was starting to like her.

“Nice to see you!” The happy chubby woman said. “We need to wait for one more student. He should be landing any minute. Can I get you anything?” I thought about that for a minute and wanted to see if she would get me a beer but I told her I was fine. She went on about the school and how great the headmistress was and how much I was going to like it. It all seemed pretty surreal to me. I spoke very little. I’m like that when I’m absorbing a situation. It helps me think. We got the other student and started making our way to the happy chubby woman’s car. Leaving the airport I realized my mom had really sent me to a desert, yet there were mountains. It was like another planet to me. Everything looked really dead and dusty. I already missed the grass and trees I had grown so accustomed to. What about skiing? When I found out about this boarding school thing I looked up a few schools on my own. I found one closer to home and thought for sure I had a shot at going there instead but after my mom looked into it she disagreed.

“Mom, it’s a school. Just like the desert one but closer to you! I don’t want to go so far away!” I only thought my mom could hear me when I yelled.

“Shell, lower your voice.” She was using her Lana Turner voice. “I looked into the school you want to go to and there is no way. First of all they ski half the day. Everyone knows it is a party school and that is the last thing you need.”

“I want to ski and you can’t ski in the desert.”

“There’s Mount Lemon.”

“That’s an ant hill.”

“It has a ski lift!”

“A T-bar. That doesn’t qualify.”

“There is no choice Shell you are going to the desert.”

“See you said it yourself.”

“If you end up despising it after your first year, we’ll look at other schools.”

“Plan on it.”

“I’ll be down for parents day, which coincides with Thanksgiving. I see you in 2 months, and then you’re back for Christmas. Ok kitten?” she called me this because she knew I liked it because it was my dad’s pet name for me, but I didn’t like it when she said it and too polite to say so. It replaced his voice saying it in my head that I had sworn to keep memorized for as long as I lived.

The drive out to the school the happy chubby woman told her fares about the school. “Everyone is really nice…any of you need anyone to talk to you’ll find your counselors receptive.” The boy in back looked like he was in a permanent shock. He was slender and eyes that looked like a doe’s caught in headlights. She continued on, “The headmaster has been working with kids for years and the counselors are like her kids as well. It’s like a family that you two belong to now.” Her talking went on for the duration of the ride, points of interest, history, places we would visit.

“Here we are!” I wondered if the happy chubby woman was always this enthusiastic. I went from liking her to worrying about her. There was a large plaque in the middle of the huge stucco wall that formed into an arch hanging there in all its glory. I was home? The driveway was long and dusty. Looking out either way you could only see cactus for miles. What had my mom gotten me into?

The happy chubby woman pulled up to what she called the main house. She told us our meals were served there three times a day and to come get it when we heard the bell. I had to find out what dorm I was in before the happy chubby woman could shuttle me over. A gray haired, nice looking woman came out of the main house and greeted us.

“I’m the headmaster. You must be Shell.” She held out her hand. After the happy chubby woman I was coming to expect a hug but put my hand forward and we shook instead. “We have many exciting things planned for this year and you will love being with us. Your mother has filled me in on your interests, so I’m sure you’ll be wanting to ride horses or go swimming this beautiful afternoon.” She went on to welcome the other student who still bestowed the look of a frightened doe.

“My mom didn’t get me a swim suit,” I knew I hadn’t thrown the ugly suits away yet but I couldn’t miss this opportunity, “or cowboy boots. I’ve only ridden English.” I decided to add at the last minute. Always wanted a pair. The headmaster gave me a suspicious glance and then said, “I’m sure we must have something around here for you today. We’ll get you into town for a bathing suit and boots next weekend.” The headmaster told the happy chubby woman take me to my dorm and see if there was a bathing suit that might work for me. I’d probably be better off with the ones my mom bought me. “Shell I’ll see you at dinner. We are having a cookout down at the picnic grounds behind the stables. You’ll meet the staff then. Have fun. I’ll call your mom and let her know you got here.” Her last words made me cringe. I hoped neither of them would bring up the bathing suit. The rest was true.